How sad that I have not written much for months...
How sad that I forget having this outlet...
How sad, how sad, how sad
Done crying - wiped my tears - moving on...
I am just going to start writing - at random - thoughts, feelings, observations again... not needing to be pithy, witty or caring about being intimidating
Take it or leave it - if you like it, you do; if you do not like it, you don't.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Intimidating
one week, three instances
Intimidating
no one wants to be intimidating - at least, not I
the ingredients for this recipe apparently are
confidence
competence
intelligence
attractiveness
toss that salad and sprinkle on a dressing of another person's perspective
the truth is, when I eat it
the taste is familiar - it is true
I am intimidating
but not for lack of trying to be anything but
and the more I try to escape this notion - the more ridiculous I feel I become
I may not say much
Nor have to do much
I only know that it is as much in the power of the other person to approach me
- to be willing to expose themselves
for one to discover who I am
even if it ends up being "intimidating"
Intimidating
no one wants to be intimidating - at least, not I
the ingredients for this recipe apparently are
confidence
competence
intelligence
attractiveness
toss that salad and sprinkle on a dressing of another person's perspective
the truth is, when I eat it
the taste is familiar - it is true
I am intimidating
but not for lack of trying to be anything but
and the more I try to escape this notion - the more ridiculous I feel I become
I may not say much
Nor have to do much
I only know that it is as much in the power of the other person to approach me
- to be willing to expose themselves
for one to discover who I am
even if it ends up being "intimidating"
Pithy and Witty
Pithy, Witty Puns and Statements
are only food for the avid mind
When tired
they prove nonsensical
a tease
the fun lost
are only food for the avid mind
When tired
they prove nonsensical
a tease
the fun lost
Reflections
A lot has happened.
I have previewed these pages, and the words all still ring true. I believe in these words of mine, but I'll be honest, I have not always been able to put them to practice - I have not always been able to test myself.
I want to make the quick excuse - I am human, and suffer from human frailties. But that's not the truth. The truth is I ask a lot of myself - sometimes, more than I can deliver, and I end up only disappointing myself.
My voice always rings true, but I am not always able to give it strength. My fears do get the better of me. So, here sits the truth...
I am a good person, but more often than not, I see my bad - I tell myself that I do so to know what I need to change, but the reality is that it is scary - it is scary to see my light
I do not want to be held accountable to it, I do not want to always be subject to its standards - for it is a glorious light
The reality is that there is nothing to change - but it would make me feel without purpose, and without that - what is meaning... I feel so lost.
But life is not a dog and pony show. I am not here to perform tricks - to entertain... not even to simply satisfy myself.
Yet, if you were to tell me I was bad, my heart of hearts know its not the TRUTH.
This is pure rambling, at best, but what I really want to say is HEAR ME.
I have previewed these pages, and the words all still ring true. I believe in these words of mine, but I'll be honest, I have not always been able to put them to practice - I have not always been able to test myself.
I want to make the quick excuse - I am human, and suffer from human frailties. But that's not the truth. The truth is I ask a lot of myself - sometimes, more than I can deliver, and I end up only disappointing myself.
My voice always rings true, but I am not always able to give it strength. My fears do get the better of me. So, here sits the truth...
I am a good person, but more often than not, I see my bad - I tell myself that I do so to know what I need to change, but the reality is that it is scary - it is scary to see my light
I do not want to be held accountable to it, I do not want to always be subject to its standards - for it is a glorious light
The reality is that there is nothing to change - but it would make me feel without purpose, and without that - what is meaning... I feel so lost.
But life is not a dog and pony show. I am not here to perform tricks - to entertain... not even to simply satisfy myself.
Yet, if you were to tell me I was bad, my heart of hearts know its not the TRUTH.
This is pure rambling, at best, but what I really want to say is HEAR ME.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Facing ...
Growing, growing, and growing.
Painful, painful, and painful.
I am beginning to recognize how ... truly truly truly ignorant I am.
Things are happening all around me, and I feel such a bystander.
Do I ever really take a stand on anything?
We talked about neutrality. We talked about silence.
How important it is, yet how destructive it can be.
Sin by omission as oppose to commission.
"Take a stand!" - That's the message I have been hearing today.
I reach out - I leap (eyes closed)
Where am I?
Enough of the abstract... now to the concrete.
I am learning today, of all days, to speak - make my voice heard. Air my grievance. Take a side. Make a choice. No more pussy-footing. What is I really want?
I want to look into the mirror and see what everyone sees.
I shine.
I am this funny, creative, capable individual who makes the best effort to be there for others (sometimes, at the expense of meeting my own needs).
I have my flaws, true, who doesn't - but enough of flaws... for I have the fantastic as well.
People stop talking, turn around and take a moment to give me my space. Anyone will say, I have presence. I come across as self-assured who talks knowledgeably about topics at hand even those that I admit I am not the most familiar. Yet, people welcome my thoughts, my opinions - that I always offer something worthwhile. I am worthwhile.
Yes, this post is a self-aggrandizing one, BUT come on, if I don't do it, WHO will?
And here I stand, pussy-footing around, wanting your attention. Your attention means I'm worthwhile. That is NOT true. It is because I am worthwhile that you want to give me your attention.
For I shine.
Painful, painful, and painful.
I am beginning to recognize how ... truly truly truly ignorant I am.
Things are happening all around me, and I feel such a bystander.
Do I ever really take a stand on anything?
We talked about neutrality. We talked about silence.
How important it is, yet how destructive it can be.
Sin by omission as oppose to commission.
"Take a stand!" - That's the message I have been hearing today.
I reach out - I leap (eyes closed)
Where am I?
Enough of the abstract... now to the concrete.
I am learning today, of all days, to speak - make my voice heard. Air my grievance. Take a side. Make a choice. No more pussy-footing. What is I really want?
I want to look into the mirror and see what everyone sees.
I shine.
I am this funny, creative, capable individual who makes the best effort to be there for others (sometimes, at the expense of meeting my own needs).
I have my flaws, true, who doesn't - but enough of flaws... for I have the fantastic as well.
People stop talking, turn around and take a moment to give me my space. Anyone will say, I have presence. I come across as self-assured who talks knowledgeably about topics at hand even those that I admit I am not the most familiar. Yet, people welcome my thoughts, my opinions - that I always offer something worthwhile. I am worthwhile.
Yes, this post is a self-aggrandizing one, BUT come on, if I don't do it, WHO will?
And here I stand, pussy-footing around, wanting your attention. Your attention means I'm worthwhile. That is NOT true. It is because I am worthwhile that you want to give me your attention.
For I shine.
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